As a long time meditator and artist with a penchant for soul searching, vacations, by virtue of all that lovely free time, have had a way of inciting big changes. It’s true that for most of us, getting away from the routine of our lives, removing responsibilities and to-do lists opens up a chance to consider new possibilities, try on ways of being that are different – even if it’s small a change like waking up every morning to read, or go for a jog. No matter. Vacations take us away from the stress of catching the train, or answering e-mail with our morning coffee.

Historically, many of my big changes were germinated on vacation. In Mexico one year, I decided to apply for graduate school, on another, I decided to buy my first house. One year, after returning from Hawaii, I decided to go home, quit my job and get pregnant.

Yes, vacations have a way of showing us what we really want. When you take away all the hubris, what’s left is what really matters.

This year, heading out for our winter vacation, I didn’t believe that I would get there until the plane landed. I had been so enmeshed in details of my job, deadlines, and a conference where I was due to speak that I loaded my luggage with laptop, legal pads, cell phone, numerous cords and notes upon notes.

As it turned out, by the end of the first full day, I vowed that I would do no work at all. During a yoga class in an open air studio on the beach, I had the realization that on this vacation I was not going to change my life on the outside. Instead, I was going to use the time away to go inside, to search my soul not for what I wanted but for who I wanted to be.

I wrote down my dreams. I spent time looking at the palm trees. I took off my watch. In one dream, I was hiding a key in a safe place to give to my daughter. In another, I dreamt of telling someone: “In California we’re all ‘in process.”

I don’t know whether it was the decision to look inside, but despite all the ‘to-do’s’ that I did not do, this was my most peaceful vacation – ever.

And the invisible souvenir? My life is right here in front of me. Nothing needs to be changed right now, except myself. ?